So a lot has happened since I last posted.  It’s a sort of, good news / bad news type of posting today.

About two weeks ago the doctor’s found a white spot on the heart of my baby via ultrasound.  Now, while this was said to be “not uncommon,” it did create a “twice-as-likely” chance that our baby would have Down Syndrome. Fortunately, a blood test that baby’s momma took gave us the relief we needed with a 99% accuracy that our baby is, in fact, healthy. So good news.

The bad news is that I had to find the results of this out via text message, because baby’s momma is not currently speaking to me.  “Dealing with me” has been “too stressful” and so, in the hopes of making sure my baby is healthy, I will simply just be taking a step back, do my thing, and wait.  It is a incredibly frustrating that I’m not allowed to go to doctor’s appointments anymore, but she said she’d text me if she had any news.  This is the sad reality for many men who are or have been in my situation.  The right thing to do is “whatever makes sense for the well-being of your kid.”

And, so, the right thing for me to do for my baby is to figure out how to have a good relationship with baby’s momma. So the “not speaking to me” issue didn’t stop me from having a batch of tulips (seen below) delivered to her for Mother’s Day with the following card:  “To the greatest mother in the world.  Kevin”

Due date is September 1st, 2012, so I only have 15 weeks to figure this stuff out.  Wish me luck.

And to all mother’s everywhere, I hope you had an amazing Mother’s Day.  Know that you are loved and appreciate well beyond words.  I posted this following tweet yesterday:  “To the women who made us lovers, fathers, sons or daughters - We love you!  Happy Mother’s Day!”

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Lesson 1: People are more important than things

What’s the difference between a drunk bass player and a toddler?  Basically 20 years. Having a bunch of rock musicians crammed into a very expensive tour bus, a vehicle that I was on the hook for, was one way of guaranteeing that something would invariably get damaged. Small plastic things would break on the interior of the tour bus without much effort and we even had the misfortune of causing thousands of dollars of damage to the back end (see photo) on the windy steep streets of Laurel Canyon in Hollywood.  At the end of the day, the relationships I still have with the guys I was blessed to play with during those years are way more valuable than some stupid bus.  Subsequently, the love you have for your kids is a lot greater than any DVD player or coffee table book.  I will do my best to remember this lesson the first time my kid puts a pop tart in my X-Box.  My son is a lot more important than the things I have.  Things can be replaced, but I only get one shot at helping him develop into a happy and healthy adult.

Lesson 2:  Memories are all that you get to take with you

Now that my touring schedule has pretty much dwindled to nothing, one thing that I will always have are the amazing memories of the shows, the fun, the fans, and the friends I made.  I still chuckle at the amazing show at Starry Plough in Berkeley California where my improv song “Dangerzone, Pleasure Throne (or something like that)” resulted in the packed house giving me a standing ovation, or how about the national parade in Washington DC where I was able to perform for nearly half a million people with Ben Franklin. Memories are really all that you get to keep, so when it comes to my son, I want to make a ton of them. More importantly, the trick (and I’m not saying I have this completely figured out) is to savor the moments and recognize when you’re in the middle of something you will never want to forget.  It is never too late to embrace and capture the moments with your kids that will be important to you for rest of your life.  Oh, and make sure you take lots of photos.  It never hurts to have those little triggers to remind you of the good times.

Lesson 3: Budget wisely

Keeping an expensive tour bus on the road for several years was not an easy task. In fact, I made some huge financial mistakes early on which created some major challenges for us in keeping the tour alive. Mistakes in booking, not budgeting for unforeseen problems, poor high-risk investments, and not planning well were just some of the issues.  I remember one segment of shows in San Francisco where the tour bus transmission blew (at only 11,000 miles). The transmission was just barely 2 or 3 months passed being “under warranty,” which meant that the fix was going to have to come out of my pocket.  That incident cost me over $4000 and, in total that year, the tour bus cost over $19,000 in maintenance to keep on the road.  Subsequently, kids are obviously an expensive blessing and if you want to keep them happy and healthy, it’s important to start budgeting and saving.  I’m already putting together a plan in place, with baby’s momma, to ensure that our baby has health coverage, a college fund, and other “rainy day” savings. I’m working aggressively to pay off a couple debts and hope to have them taken care of completely before the birth. Setting financial goals and putting money away, just in case your kid needs braces or some other unforeseen cost, are a must for any unprepared father who is working on being prepared.

Hopefully these tips can help you to be a rockstar father too.

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Check out the Fetal Photo of my sons face from last week’s doctor’s appointment.

Last night I felt the baby kick for the first time.  I had dropped by baby’s momma’s house after assisting with her roommate’s tire change (long story) and as we sat on the couch, she grabbed my hand and placed it on her growing belly.

“You feel that?”

I did feel that.  It felt like she was having gas bubbles.  “Isn’t that gas?”

“No, the baby is doing somersaults.” 

I kept my hand there for a while and felt the baby move over and over.

“That is one crazy baby.” I said. 

As I left her house last night, the reality of feeling it move began to sink in… THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!  I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER!  AND I AM FREAKING OUT HERE!! 

I don’t even have health insurance, I live in a basement and I’m self-employed, which may just be a fancy way of saying I’m unemployed.

After a few deep breaths, I relax.  It’s all good.  Everything changes - Life is about change.  I begin to think of the games of catch in the yard, the opportunity to teach my kid music and sports, and the adventure of seeing him grow.  I chuckle as I look down in the passenger seat and see the baseball glove and the baseball that I recently purchased, just in case the baby jumps out of her belly and wants to play catch.  I have to be ready now, right?  Ha.  I guess in reality is anyone really ready.  We all just do the best we can.  Slowly I relax and realize that the other stuff will all work itself out, and I’ll be fine.

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Last week’s ultrasound went great.  Everything on my baby is healthy, growing, and there is no doubt that this child is a very well-endowed beautiful little boy.  You can hear the heartbeat (heartbeeps) and see a rough snapshot of last week’s ultrasound below.

heartbeat.m4a Listen on Posterous

I sort of had an idea, with the couple of baby showers that I had inadvertently walked into over the years, that having a baby meant you got some presents.  Besides seeing women eating candy bars out of diapers and playing “Pin the Sperm on the Egg” it also seemed that the secret world of having a baby involved some gifts.  I assumed this might have started with the gold, frankincense, and myrrh from my Sunday School experience, though I am not particularly interested in receiving any frankincense or myrrh.  In fact, it sounds like Jesus had a very disappointing baby shower.

The “legend of the baby gifts” has become my cool new reality as supportive friends and family from across the U.S. have begun sending me new baby stuff. Like my sister, for example, who bought my future son a festive Christmas outfit so that this Christmas he will look like a sexy little mini-Santa.  She also sent him a “Most Eligible Bachelor” onesie, which makes sense, since he is my son.  Another close friend of mine picked up a copy of the book “Tickle Monster” for my baby-on-board, and is planning on buying the accompanying “monster hands” that were made for the book.  And yet another close friend recently handed me several new outfits for the stylish little fetus including the cutest little shoes**.  It is a huge relief to know that I have so much support out there!  A big “Thank You” to all of you!!

On a second note, another ginormous “Thank You” to all of my Facebook Friends who participated in coming up with some new names for the baby boy.  Mom is no longer sold on the name ‘Grayson’ which simply means that I do get to have some say in the process, which is really fun.  I like the name ‘Miles’ which baby’s momma kind of likes as well (who suggested that again).  Most of the other names that were suggested were shot down immediately, but I did appreciate all of the fun ideas.

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** The fact that I’m using the words “cutest little shoes” in any sentence is kind embarassing and will require me to do 25 manly push-ups after posting this.